Episode 31: Caregiver Tired

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I’m tired.

You know what I’m talking about?

I’m not regular tired… caregiver tired.

The kind of tired that a million hours of sleep can’t cure.

The tired that you would cry about if you weren’t so tired. 

Exhausted.  

Tired of holding it all together.   

Tired of trying to keep on top of my loved one’s care and making sure nothing slips through the cracks. 

Tired of keeping tack of medications and appointments. 

Tired… 

Tired of washing the dishes, of keeping the house clean. 

Of being positive for other people. 

Tired of smiling when I don’t feel like it. 

Tired of trying to remember what I walked into a room to do, or get. Or maybe my brain keeps walking me to my room because it’s trying to tell me to take a nap…
Ahhhh a nap.

Naps feel so good! My family call me a nap expert. I can set my timer for 30 minutes and wake up right before it goes off. 

That sweet feeling right when you are ready to let go and fall asleep. When your eyes are closed and you can hear yourself breathe but the sounds of the house feel far away. 

Just enough time to rest but not enough to start a dream… at least for me. 

Do you nap? If not you should give it a shot. How long would you need to be gone before anyone would notice?  Have you ever thought about that? I say at least 30 min in my house.

I can quietly go up to my room, cover up, set my phone for 30 min and wake up just as people are trying to figure out where I am.

On other days I announce that I am taking a nap!! Most times if I need to do that they already know that I need it. On those days I might set my alarm for 40 min, 30 to sleep and another 10 to take my time to wake up.

But that doesn’t take away the exhaustion of being a caregiver. For that to happen my whole life would have to change. Don’t you feel that sometimes? That your tiredness is directly related to the phase of caregiving you are in? Meaning, if you’ve just become a caregiver. Or your loved one just found out something in his care plan wasn’t working. Or that there was a new diagnosis. Or maybe they just had surgery or a procedure done … that is one of the highest levels of caregiving and when I feel the most tired. 

Because it isn’t really about the amount of sleep we are or aren’t getting is it? 

It’s the stress… and our ability to adapt to it as it comes in waves. Because nothing is a normal day in our world. There is always something going on, something to fix, something to worry about. That drains the life out of us sometimes.  

Having said that, I think I’d still like to try and see if sleeping more would change that. I mean for science sake. I’d love to have a day, days?  A week, to do nothing. 

Well -  maybe not do nothing but not be responsible for anything. 

Not have to cook. 

Ha! Not have to even decide what to eat! Just magically have things appear that I love. 

And most importantly to be able to sleep whenever and for as long as I want.

What would be your perfect sleep scenario? I'd love to hear about itl

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